Monday, February 28, 2011
School and such
At school right now and trying to think of a new concept for a drawing. I got some ideas in mind but nothing solid yet. Im really tired and kind of down today, I also think I may be getting sick. It was a rough weekend, but Im better. I feel like Im thinking about a lot, but I cant really pin-point, anything. Its minorly frustrating. Grades are also on my mind, they are slipping, but Im trying. I just want to go home, and talk to Peter. Definately NOT go to P.E, blah >.<.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Cold
This weekend has been cold, as well as my emotions. Not numb, but cold and sad, my raining tears cant express my guilt. I havent started my list yet, Im bad at getting things started. I need to draw today for my art class, and I need to pick up the pace. I think I'll draw something and dedicate it to Peter. I wanted to write him a poem, but I dont know how it would make him feel. I love him. I will get started on my list as soon as I can. Too bad I dont have my camera, I could take pictures in the remaining snow.
Friday, February 25, 2011
A life of creativity needs a spark
Sometimes the flame dies and sometimes it just needs something to keep it going. This is the list of 100 things that Im going to be doing for the next 3 and a half months, one each day. I will post pictures of said thing on the list if it calls for such. Im very excited to do this and I cant wait to record it.
This list is from Keri Smith’s Website – here. She’s a brilliant illustrator and has inspired me a lot recently.
1. Go for a walk. Draw or list things you find on the sidewalk.
2. Write a letter to yourself in the future.
3. Buy something inexpensive as a symbol for your need to create (new pen, a teacup, a journal). Use it everyday.
4. Draw your dinner.
5. Find a piece of poetry you respond to. Rewrite it and glue it into your journal.
6. Glue an envelope into your journal. For one week, collect things you find in the street.
7. Expose yourself to a new artist (go to a gallery or in a book). Describe what moves you about it.
8. Find a photo of a person you do not know. Write a brief bio about them.
9. Spend a day drawing only red things.
10. Draw your bike.
11. Make a list of everything you buy in the next week.
12. Make a map of everywhere you went in one day.
13. Draw a map of the creases on your hand (knuckles, palm).
14. Trace your footsteps with chalk.
15. Record an overheard conversation (in a notebook, I presume?).
16. Trace the path of the moon in relation to where you live.
17. Go to a paint store. Collect ‘chips’ of all your favorite colors.
18. Draw your favorite tree.
19. Take 15 minutes to eat an orange.
20. Write a haiku.
21. Hang upside down for five minutes.
22. Hang found objects from tree branches.
23. Make directions for a puppet.
24. Create a collage from things you find in nature.
25. Read a book in one day.
26. Illustrate your grocery list.
27. Read a story out loud to a friend.
28. Write a letter to someone you admire.
29. Study the face of someone you do not like.
30. Play with your food.
31. Create a museum of very small things.
32. List the smells in your neighborhood.
33. List 100 uses for a tin can.
34. Fill an entire page in your journal with small circles. Color them in.
35. Give away something you love.
36. Choose an object. Draw the side you can’t see.
37. List all of the places you’ve ever lived.
38. Describe your favorite room in detail.
39. Write about your relationship with your washing machine.
40. Draw all of things in your purse/bag.
41. Make a mini-book on the theme ‘my grocery list’.
42. Create a character based on someone you know. Write a list of personality traits.
43. Recall your favorite childhood game.
44. Put postcards you respond to on the inside of your kitchen cupboard doors so you can see them everyday.
45. Draw the same object every day for a week.
46. Write in your journal using a different medium (Brush and ink, charcoal, old typewriter, crayons, markers).
47. Draw the individual items of your favorite outfit.
48. Make a useful item using only paper and tape.
49. Research a celebration ritual from another culture.
50. Do a temporary art installation using a pad of post it notes and a pen.
51. Draw a map of your favorite sitting spots in your town/city (photocopy it and give it to someone you like).
52. Record all of the sounds you hear in the course of one hour.
53. Using a grid, collect various textures from magazines and play them off of each other.
54. Cut out all Media for one day. Write about the effects.
55. Make pencil rubbings of six different surfaces.
56. Draw your garbage.
57. Do a morning collage.
58. List your ten most important things (not including animals or people).
59. List ten things you would like to do everyday.
60. Glue a photo of yourself as a child into your journal.
61. Transform some garbage.
62. Write an entry in your journal in really LARGE letters.
63. Collect some flat things in nature (flowers, leaves). Glue or tape them into your journal.
64. Physically alter a page (ie. cut a hole, pour tea on it, burn it, fold it, etc).
65. Find several color combinations you respond to in public. Document them using swatches, write where you found them.
66. Experiment with simple print making (ie. mono print, photocopy, stamping, potato printing, lino, eraser).
67. Record descriptions or definitions of words you are interested in, found in encyclopedias or dictionaries.
68. Draw the outline of an object without looking at the page. (contour drawing).
69. What were you thinking just now? write it down.
70. Do nothing.
71. Write a list of ten things you could to do. Do the last thing on the list.
72. Create an image using dots.
73. Do 3 drawings at different speeds.
74. Put a small object in your left pocket (or in a bag), Put your left hand in the pocket. Draw it by feel.
75. Create a graph documenting or measuring something in your life.
76. Draw the sun.
77. Create instructions for a simple everyday task.
78. Make prints using food. (fruit and vegetables cut in half, fish, etc.)
79. Find a photo. Alter it by drawing over it.
80. Write a letter using an unconventional medium.
81. Draw one object for twenty minutes.
82. Combine two activities that have not been combined before.
83. Write about your day in an encyclopedic fashion. (i.e. organize by subject.)
84. Write a list of all the things you do to escape.
85. Cut a random shape out of several layers of a magazine. Make a collage out of the results.
86. Write an entry in code.
87. Make a painting using tools from the bathroom.
88. Work with a medium that is subtractive.
89. Write about or draw some of the doors in your life.
90. Make a postcard that has some kind of activity on it.
91. Write an entry about a secret. Cut it up and glue the pieces in randomly.
92. Devise an entry using “layers”.
93. Write your own definition of one of the following concepts, sitting, waiting, sleeping (without using the actual word.)
94. List 10 of your habits.
95. Illustrate the concept of “simplicity”.
Your own list (write down and complete your own ideas):
96.
97.
98.
99.
100.
This list is from Keri Smith’s Website – here. She’s a brilliant illustrator and has inspired me a lot recently.
1. Go for a walk. Draw or list things you find on the sidewalk.
2. Write a letter to yourself in the future.
3. Buy something inexpensive as a symbol for your need to create (new pen, a teacup, a journal). Use it everyday.
4. Draw your dinner.
5. Find a piece of poetry you respond to. Rewrite it and glue it into your journal.
6. Glue an envelope into your journal. For one week, collect things you find in the street.
7. Expose yourself to a new artist (go to a gallery or in a book). Describe what moves you about it.
8. Find a photo of a person you do not know. Write a brief bio about them.
9. Spend a day drawing only red things.
10. Draw your bike.
11. Make a list of everything you buy in the next week.
12. Make a map of everywhere you went in one day.
13. Draw a map of the creases on your hand (knuckles, palm).
14. Trace your footsteps with chalk.
15. Record an overheard conversation (in a notebook, I presume?).
16. Trace the path of the moon in relation to where you live.
17. Go to a paint store. Collect ‘chips’ of all your favorite colors.
18. Draw your favorite tree.
19. Take 15 minutes to eat an orange.
20. Write a haiku.
21. Hang upside down for five minutes.
22. Hang found objects from tree branches.
23. Make directions for a puppet.
24. Create a collage from things you find in nature.
25. Read a book in one day.
26. Illustrate your grocery list.
27. Read a story out loud to a friend.
28. Write a letter to someone you admire.
29. Study the face of someone you do not like.
30. Play with your food.
31. Create a museum of very small things.
32. List the smells in your neighborhood.
33. List 100 uses for a tin can.
34. Fill an entire page in your journal with small circles. Color them in.
35. Give away something you love.
36. Choose an object. Draw the side you can’t see.
37. List all of the places you’ve ever lived.
38. Describe your favorite room in detail.
39. Write about your relationship with your washing machine.
40. Draw all of things in your purse/bag.
41. Make a mini-book on the theme ‘my grocery list’.
42. Create a character based on someone you know. Write a list of personality traits.
43. Recall your favorite childhood game.
44. Put postcards you respond to on the inside of your kitchen cupboard doors so you can see them everyday.
45. Draw the same object every day for a week.
46. Write in your journal using a different medium (Brush and ink, charcoal, old typewriter, crayons, markers).
47. Draw the individual items of your favorite outfit.
48. Make a useful item using only paper and tape.
49. Research a celebration ritual from another culture.
50. Do a temporary art installation using a pad of post it notes and a pen.
51. Draw a map of your favorite sitting spots in your town/city (photocopy it and give it to someone you like).
52. Record all of the sounds you hear in the course of one hour.
53. Using a grid, collect various textures from magazines and play them off of each other.
54. Cut out all Media for one day. Write about the effects.
55. Make pencil rubbings of six different surfaces.
56. Draw your garbage.
57. Do a morning collage.
58. List your ten most important things (not including animals or people).
59. List ten things you would like to do everyday.
60. Glue a photo of yourself as a child into your journal.
61. Transform some garbage.
62. Write an entry in your journal in really LARGE letters.
63. Collect some flat things in nature (flowers, leaves). Glue or tape them into your journal.
64. Physically alter a page (ie. cut a hole, pour tea on it, burn it, fold it, etc).
65. Find several color combinations you respond to in public. Document them using swatches, write where you found them.
66. Experiment with simple print making (ie. mono print, photocopy, stamping, potato printing, lino, eraser).
67. Record descriptions or definitions of words you are interested in, found in encyclopedias or dictionaries.
68. Draw the outline of an object without looking at the page. (contour drawing).
69. What were you thinking just now? write it down.
70. Do nothing.
71. Write a list of ten things you could to do. Do the last thing on the list.
72. Create an image using dots.
73. Do 3 drawings at different speeds.
74. Put a small object in your left pocket (or in a bag), Put your left hand in the pocket. Draw it by feel.
75. Create a graph documenting or measuring something in your life.
76. Draw the sun.
77. Create instructions for a simple everyday task.
78. Make prints using food. (fruit and vegetables cut in half, fish, etc.)
79. Find a photo. Alter it by drawing over it.
80. Write a letter using an unconventional medium.
81. Draw one object for twenty minutes.
82. Combine two activities that have not been combined before.
83. Write about your day in an encyclopedic fashion. (i.e. organize by subject.)
84. Write a list of all the things you do to escape.
85. Cut a random shape out of several layers of a magazine. Make a collage out of the results.
86. Write an entry in code.
87. Make a painting using tools from the bathroom.
88. Work with a medium that is subtractive.
89. Write about or draw some of the doors in your life.
90. Make a postcard that has some kind of activity on it.
91. Write an entry about a secret. Cut it up and glue the pieces in randomly.
92. Devise an entry using “layers”.
93. Write your own definition of one of the following concepts, sitting, waiting, sleeping (without using the actual word.)
94. List 10 of your habits.
95. Illustrate the concept of “simplicity”.
Your own list (write down and complete your own ideas):
96.
97.
98.
99.
100.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Speak Real
Here is a poem, that dictates the last few weeks of my life.
Speak Real
speak to me
with all your heart
even when pain is the only residence
speak to me before you fall apart
speak with honesty
truth
Tell me when your happy
Let me know exactly why
show me how you feel
even if its to only cry
breath in deep
and spill your thoughts
I wish we could all be honest like that
Tell me what hides behind you lips
what you hold in your clasped hands
please I beg
to know you more.
Show me where your secrets hide
I promise in me you can confide
bring whatever blocks your tounge
and let your words run off.
I only want to know everything
even the things you're scared to tell
what more harm could it do
that waiting could do more.
Speak to me
and open a door
to a new level of love.
Speak Real
speak to me
with all your heart
even when pain is the only residence
speak to me before you fall apart
speak with honesty
truth
Tell me when your happy
Let me know exactly why
show me how you feel
even if its to only cry
breath in deep
and spill your thoughts
I wish we could all be honest like that
Tell me what hides behind you lips
what you hold in your clasped hands
please I beg
to know you more.
Show me where your secrets hide
I promise in me you can confide
bring whatever blocks your tounge
and let your words run off.
I only want to know everything
even the things you're scared to tell
what more harm could it do
that waiting could do more.
Speak to me
and open a door
to a new level of love.
Snow day....for me!
Mom said we could stay home from school today, not a ton of snow, be we dont usually get a whole lot of snow anyway. Might go sledding today, or make me a snowman.
Im feeling kind of down today about things, I think Im too clingy with people, and I know some people think I kinda am too. Im people needy, I know it. Maybe I should back off. I just want to be wanted around too.
Stupid writers block, I have lot of poems you may or may not have seen, but I wanna put new ones up. I just cant right now.
Im feeling kind of down today about things, I think Im too clingy with people, and I know some people think I kinda am too. Im people needy, I know it. Maybe I should back off. I just want to be wanted around too.
Stupid writers block, I have lot of poems you may or may not have seen, but I wanna put new ones up. I just cant right now.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Desperate or Stupid
Im goin with desperate for now......I am so desperate to help out this friend of mine. I love her to pieces, and I dont know why, but I do. She cuts and hurts herself and just cant stop. I know addiction, Ive been there, even in the cutting arena. I want so bad to help her, I went as far as to ask her if cutting myself in front of her would make her stop. A little contradictory I know, but it helped me. I dont think Im gonna do it, but if she told me that would fix it, I would, so fast. I know its not what others want, but my heart is killing to help her. Im not God, but Im trying so hard to lead her to him, so very hard. Its so much work, but I cant keep throwing her away like I have. Im not in a position to do that. I dont know exactly what she needs, but Im gonna experiment to find out. I know God wants me to be friends with her, and thats what Im gonna do. Because every time we stop being friends and become friends again, its like starting from square one. Shes not a project, but my commitment as a friend.
Winter isnt over yet.....
Its snowing today, suppose to snow alot tonight. Obviously winter isnt over yet. Seems that way for a few other things in and around my life also. When will things warm up? Who knows. Im in school right now, I really dont look forward to Journalism anymore. We are reading some stupid book by Shakespear, Much ado bout nothing. I read it last year, or some of it anyway. lol. Im good at writing papers, I only need a little information. So anyway, thats it for my day so far. Later!
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Tired.......
Went to Alishas today, we talked. It feels like an invisible wrestling match sometimes. Our words are soft and few. There is pain behind both of our words though. I think we are both afraid to be real, despite how real she says she is with me.
Im missing Peter right now, a lot. His dad, tics me off, never delivers phone messages like he says he will. Wrote a poem today...here it is. Its not one of my best, but its all real. Sometimes the real stuff isnt flowing, but it is beautiful.
Miss you baby
It was cool and sunny
uneven ground beneath my boots
dressed all pretty
for pictures for you
a dirty barn
with light shining through
leaned against the wall
wanting to say nothing at all
stop pointing that thing
Im not gonna talk
shes gonna get all of this isnt she
who the hell is....
He came to see me!
OMG
oopsI fell down
breath
stand up
wont let go
you cant make me
look up
hug tight
look back
the sun is bright
kiss him now
dont wake up.
It was all amazing
until you left
It was raining
silent sadness
home again
sitting on the porch
just your scent broke me
I cried all day
everything reminded me
of that week
when you swept me off my feet
but you'll be back
You've made clear of this
next time
an even sweeter kiss.
Im missing Peter right now, a lot. His dad, tics me off, never delivers phone messages like he says he will. Wrote a poem today...here it is. Its not one of my best, but its all real. Sometimes the real stuff isnt flowing, but it is beautiful.
Miss you baby
It was cool and sunny
uneven ground beneath my boots
dressed all pretty
for pictures for you
a dirty barn
with light shining through
leaned against the wall
wanting to say nothing at all
stop pointing that thing
Im not gonna talk
shes gonna get all of this isnt she
who the hell is....
He came to see me!
OMG
oopsI fell down
breath
stand up
wont let go
you cant make me
look up
hug tight
look back
the sun is bright
kiss him now
dont wake up.
It was all amazing
until you left
It was raining
silent sadness
home again
sitting on the porch
just your scent broke me
I cried all day
everything reminded me
of that week
when you swept me off my feet
but you'll be back
You've made clear of this
next time
an even sweeter kiss.
Monday, February 21, 2011
FRIENDS!
So me and Alisha are friends again, Im so happy bout that. Shes my soul sister, and as silly as it sounds, its totally true. I love her to pieces. We both missed each other terrible. Im going over to her house tomorrow so we can catch up, and talk about the problems we have, because they arent just gonna go away. Im excited to see her again.
I watched the video of me and Peter again today. Made me smile again. Im gonna write him a poem tonight I think before he gets home so within the next half hr. :D
I watched the video of me and Peter again today. Made me smile again. Im gonna write him a poem tonight I think before he gets home so within the next half hr. :D
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Another day....
I feel like a loser for costing myself my job. I mean I hated it, really I did, but I feel stupid for getting myself fired. Its hard for me to apply places because my transportation is so limited. I hate feeling not accomplished enough. Im 18 and jobless, havent graduated highschool yet....I just feel kind of behind. Im always the kid who hasnt grown up yet. Least thats what I feel like. I feel silently made fun of sometimes for losing my job and having an extra year in Highschool. Im doing my best, but I get this vibe from people lik Im still not good enough.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
On waiting
I was just thinking, I wonder how much of our lives we spend waiting. Waiting for things to be over, waiting for things to come, waiting to see things, waiting to forget things. What does it all mean, when do we get to see and do the things we wait half our lives for? Again I am left waiting for things. Waiting for the love of my life to come back, waiting to graduate, waiting to move out, waiting to marry. I know God calls us to wait patiently, but what can I do now? I know we are a society of instant gratification, I dont deny that. In food, in love, in money. We want everything to happen now. Everyone knows that, but its hard for anyone to change that. Waiting is the single hardest thing in our lives. God will make it easier I believe, myself and everyone else just needs to get into Gods word and do some praying. In a life like this its hard for even me to do those things...but I heard in a sermon when Peter was here, that Jesus eliminates excuses, because his love and wisdom is for anyone, and anyone means everything.
Luke 9:23 ... Then he said to the crowd, "If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn
from your selfish ways, take up your cross daily, and follow me.
Luke 9:23 ... Then he said to the crowd, "If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn
from your selfish ways, take up your cross daily, and follow me.
Sunny and Sleepy
Today is a nice warm sunny day, but Im so bored and doing homework. I kind of want to take a nap. Peter is gone at work today all day. I really want to talk to him. I havent written a poem in something like two weeks. Its kind of depressing really. I was looking at pics of me and Peter when he came to town, it made me smile. :) Cant wait til he comes back.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Breathing Life
One breath at a time, I move on, I let go, I cry. Not on the outside but Im sad. I want to help her, but she doesnt want it. I dont want to fix her, just help her. I havent posted a poem since the first one, I want to, just dont know what to post yet. Im good I swear. Just....lazy I guess.
Catching up on homework this weekend. Its a bit of a task, but Im shooting to fix all this in the next week/ week and a half, because we have no school monday and tuesday.
I miss Peter, so deeply. Ive been at war with my thoughts lately. I love him so much. I cant keep control of my thoughts. Im gonna pray more, thats all I can do.
Catching up on homework this weekend. Its a bit of a task, but Im shooting to fix all this in the next week/ week and a half, because we have no school monday and tuesday.
I miss Peter, so deeply. Ive been at war with my thoughts lately. I love him so much. I cant keep control of my thoughts. Im gonna pray more, thats all I can do.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
what to do
So a lot has happened lately. I feel that this is pointless because nobody looks at it. Me and Alisha are not friends anymore. She surprisingly didn't respond to the message I sent her....in an odd way...I'm proud of her. On a happier note. Peter came to see me last Thursday 2/10/11, my boyfriend now fiance. It was the most amazing time Ive ever had. He surprised me so well. It was nice. I will remember that week for the rest of my life. My favorite was the initial surprise, and laying down next to him watching T.V, that just felt really nice. He went home yesterday, I miss him bunches. I will post a poem soon, Im feeling creative ^_^
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
I dont have to be here
My friend is in complete denial of how desructive she is and I cant take much more. Apparently in her terms I am a vulture.
-----------------------------------------------------------
I've never been so angry
How could you leave him broken
Act like your lies weren't spoken
I wish I would have warned him
I saw my self in his pain
I saw his sorrow in his disdain
He's just one more marker,
in her trail of ruin.
Glossed over words
To hide its true poison.
Digging your thorns into all of our hearts
I cant take anymore of this
Im done this time for sure.
You seem in denial though
All you need is yourself
Have fun with your life
rotting in your filth.
I loved you so much
One of my best friends
Now our phone calls are shorter
Our words much more shallow
its like nothing we've been through
means anything.
-----------------------------------------------------------
I've never been so angry
How could you leave him broken
Act like your lies weren't spoken
I wish I would have warned him
I saw my self in his pain
I saw his sorrow in his disdain
He's just one more marker,
in her trail of ruin.
Glossed over words
To hide its true poison.
Digging your thorns into all of our hearts
I cant take anymore of this
Im done this time for sure.
You seem in denial though
All you need is yourself
Have fun with your life
rotting in your filth.
I loved you so much
One of my best friends
Now our phone calls are shorter
Our words much more shallow
its like nothing we've been through
means anything.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Pieces
So this is my Journal/Poetry, I am currently making an actual website for Heart of Ink, it is almost done.
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