how many times....

If I had a dollar...25 cents for every time I told my head to shut up, Id be rich. Being a little mentally off and as creative as I am, makes room for tons of thoughts. Even though Im overwhelmed right now, I dont mind. It gives me something to do, a way to really just go in my head and be there for a while. Leave things behind and sift through my thoughts, if I so please. To think about love, faith, work, schooling, family, friends. All the things that really make up my life.

Thinking can also get me in trouble though, especially thinking too hard. Like about my relationship, how I doubt my own heart sometimes. THAT is painful thinking, that I try not to show on the outside. What I mean by doubting myself is whether my love is true or not. Now I believe it is. I think its Satan honestly, regardless of what others think. Putting those stupid voices in my head again. No Im not schizophrenic. I just have a problem with not thinking about things. Thats where my OCD comes in.

Before I go on I warn you this is gonna seem like a confession session, but I NEEEED to get these thoughts out..Plus typing is so much faster, and I want people to get to know me, if they already dont. Im not too scared. haha. Btw Im not gonna go through all the topics just a few.

My faith, faith? Its really tipsy right now. Oh I love my God and I know he died for me. That much is true. I just have the hardest time keeping to his rules. I do a lot of things I shouldnt, and preach what I cant follow. Sad huh? I know I need him. Truly I do. So I guess Im steppin in the right direction. I want to re-dedicate my life to him, but Im not truly ready yet. My whole heart isnt in it.

On a completely different note, I want to improve my writing. I have a hard time with that though, like reading books, I can hardly ever finish them. Stupid ADHD. (you know my initials are ADH, hahaha, see there I go again lol) I want to be a journalist, and I know as a poet, style is loose, and can bee almost anything. My prose lacks though, I hope soon I can gain the motivation to improve.

blah blah blah, ok Im too mentally hyper to continue writing deep thoughts. So I hope you enjoyed devouring a little chunk of my soul. buh bye!