darn it

I got on to write an in depth post and now I cant remember much, if at all, what I was going to say. Anyway, you know, as much as Im able to deal with, Im tired of dealing with depression. I try to give it to God but he doesnt take it. Its like a stupid bag of junk that follows me around. Im really tired of tears, and pills, and I hate my new psychiatrist. She gave me pills on the first appointment. Stuff to slow my heart rate and to help my ADD....how does that help my depression?

Wrote a poem Called: To Be You, and posted it just now on FB.

Whats it like to be you?

You who doesnt lose control

you who can have a tight hold

onto material and emotional things?

see the silver lining

and not sink in the mud the rain brings

you who knows how it feels to sit still

who can function without a handfull of pills

spend time with their thoughts

and let them float away

smile 

and still be smiling at the end of the day

what is it like to be you?

I wish for one day I could be

even though I like who I am

it just bugs me to know

that I cant and you can.

I want to fall asleep

without nightmares instead of dreams

I want to party

and forget the paranoia

meet someone new 

and get to know ya.

Be me without some things

that hold me back from living.

Treasure what you have

and I will treasure mine

just remember that for next time

when you think you got it bad

cause there are worse things that you could have.

I will say though

everyone has a breaking point

so no one can compare

I just want to know

What is it like to be you?

I think it explains a lot of things, about me. Without having to ramble on. Its about my depression, anxiety, and my neurological disorder (PKD).