Today..eh

Today was actually a good day/evening, until the very end when my OCD decided to attack me. Im not proud of it, but I cant control my obsessive thoughts. I cant to a point but sometimes its hard. I made Matt upset. Im in a better mood, but Im still ashamed of that part of me. Uhg. So many things in my head that I cant get out. Its overwhelming sometimes. Its what got me into a counselor in the first place -.- *sigh*

Im kind of glad only a couple people read my blog, then I dont have to worry so much. Its been 4 days since Ive smoked weed, Im not enjoying it much, though I like to count the days. I stopped for Matt, I really do feel like I need it sometimes. It sucks cuz it really helps with my depression and anxiety, but its not legal. Go figure the one thing that works is something I have to sneak around about for the most part. Im a pot head, I'll admit it, but it helps so honestly if it werent for Matt, I wouldnt care. I love him and thats why Im stopping, not because I really want to, but because he gets sad when I do. I almost did tonight, really, Im still considering it. I cant though. He stopped drinking, I stopped pot. Uhg.
So many things could be fixed if weed were legal. Honestly. Nobody agrees with a statement like that til they try it. Not even me. I had reason to hate weed, but now I dont. If there were a way to extract THC and put it in a pill, then there would be less reason. That way there would be no inhalation of smoke. You can put it in food sure, but you gotta have a lot, and thats expensive. So would be the pills, maybe at first, but so many people would by them, they would be like $20 for a two week supply. Itd be awesome! Sadly that is only but a distant dream for now.

Instead Im suppose to listen to a psychiatrist that gives me pills on the first appointment. A woman who nit picks at my heart and barely knows me, except for what I wrote down on a stupid paper. Im not taking those social anxiety pills, I dont want them, nor need them. I am gonna tell her straight up at my next appointment how I feel, thats what shes there for right? *heavy angry sarcasm* She just tics me off, uhg! I hate confrontation, but I feel that its really necessary in this case, if Im gonna get better, she ought to get to know me better.....or eat my words and watch my backside walk out her office.