Sort of, I sorta wanna get some of my life back together, but I sorta dont. You know? Like I know certain things I could handle fixing, and other things I dont wanna give up. Like I can deal with patching things up with Matts sister, but I cant deal with one of my addictions. Its just grr. I seem always in the middle with decisions. Maybe I'll get better as I get older, maybe I'll learn better. I dont know.
-------------------later----------
You know, how the crap will my heart know if Im suppose to be with someone. Cause I thought I knew and I dont. What about now, is this just another heartbreak waiting to happen? He loves me! Why do I still doubt. Thats what I said about a couple other people though. I just dont know, ag! I want to fall in love with someone for good, not as a prize but just someone to love...right now I love Matt, I really dont wanna love anyone else. Why does love have to feel so fucking hard?! Why not make love easy if its what God wants us to do? Fuck fear, fuck doubts, and fuck anyone who tries to stand in my way.
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