So I was thinking earlier today, while I was exploring through my woods, that I dont get to be a kid anymore. I turned 15 and I was already being told I had to grow up, maybe even before that. It just doesnt seem fair. I understand not acting like a 5yr old in public, but even around the house, I feel....restrained. I miss the games I use to play as a kid and all the other stuff. I think thats why we gain a LACK of imagination. I personally think I have plenty, but can only express it in my poetry.
My boyfriend lets me act like a kid sometimes, I think he likes it, and he doesnt judge me. He just loves me and laughs. I had a good childhood, but who says I wanna let it go? I admit I am growing up, and Im trying to stand on my feet, but I want some innocence back. If that can be achieved, doubtful though. Ive lost that on a number of levels, and Im regretful in some ways. I dont like getting older, I just dont. I can accept my responsibilities as an adult, I just want some child-like fun back. Thats hard to find surprisingly, I think.
Pain was easier to handle as a kid, and I know you think thats what this is all about, but its not, its just one thing. Ive been through a lot of pain lately, and last night I broke down pretty heavily. I dont know all of WHY Im in pain, I just am. I cant stop the tears when they fall, and nothing but Gods love can catch them all. at least I have some people by my side to be there when its too much. I just wish it was easier to get back up, like it was when I was a kid. Stand up, brush off, and keep going.
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